So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
