Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
