this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize