Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
