If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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