That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
