Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
my poor anus
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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