Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
