Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
