No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize