Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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