i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
