I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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