Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
