tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
