yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
