is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
