Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
