i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
