he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
