Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize