Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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