wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
