This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
