just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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