sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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