shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
