i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Randomize
