Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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