Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
