shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have post one night stand depression
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