My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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