i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
