So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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