Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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