Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize