Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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