Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
