Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Green mimosas i think yes
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
