Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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