I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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