I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize