Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
