I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
