Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
