awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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