I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
