Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
