So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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