Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
