i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
