your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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