Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize