I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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