you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
