i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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