Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
