i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
