Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
