I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
