Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
