he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
