So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize