I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
