How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
