Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
