Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
