I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
