You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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