dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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