Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
