It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
