Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
that's an acceptable place to lick
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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