you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize