May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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