imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
