2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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