i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
