I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
