I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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