Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize