Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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