I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
