My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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