Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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