adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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