Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
