Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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