ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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