I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
