I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize