I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
